Aaron and Stuff (vamir) wrote in satanofpathosia,
Aaron and Stuff
vamir
satanofpathosia

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Urban Rhinocerii


Does this image excite you?
Do you too want to be an Urban Rhino?


Well becoming a member of this elite dignified group may not be much harder than filling out an application. You see, the Urban Rhinos thrive in Pathosia, they fill the highways, streets, and sidewalks of every street. Many Urban Rhinos exist in the real world too and they don't even realize they qualify for membership!!!

If you feel you meet the Urban Rhino criteria, ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do you own an overlarge vehicle to compensate for your (one or more must apply – zero is NOT more than one):
--a) Lack of intelligence
--b) Shriveled-up, pathetic excuse for a penis
--c) Nonexistent worldly, spiritual, practical, or otherwise useful knowledge
--d) Completely and totally wasted life
--e) Failing marriage
--f) Deteriorating body
--g) Moronic and brain-dead children (who happen to be EXACTLY like you!)
2) Do you feel that traffic laws apply only to bad drivers – which you clearly are not?
3) Do you think a stop sign means:
--a) Slow down nearly to a stop
--b) Slow down until you can see there are not cops in the area
--c) Tap the brakes slightly and zoom through
--d) Slow down and even – god forbid – stop ONLY if there are other cars present
--e) I don't understand the question
--f) Come to full and complete stop, count to three, then proceed if safe (If this is your answer, you have no place in among the Urban Rhinos)
4) Do you think cell phone were made to enhance your driving experience?
5) Do you feel you command the road with your stern driving techniques?
6) Do you think the blinker should be used only after you have began (or shortly after finishing) merging lanes – and you only use it to humiliate the other drivers and let them know who's boss?

If all of the above apply to you AND you have had over three traffic tickets in the last month, you've run into three or more people so far this year, or you've run five or more drivers out of their lane/off the road in the past week you might even qualify to become an exalted Golden-Crowned Urban Rhino!

Post a reply with your driving information now and our highly trained staff will process your form and determine your eligibility over night!!!

Upon inception and after your small initiation fee ($5,000,000), we'll mail you your Urban Rhino horns immediately to mount upon your war-machine of a car! If we receive your information in the next three minutes we'll make your honorary horns in any color of your choice (excluding pink) free of charge!

You've been a shitty driver since birth, so become an Urban Rhino today!!!

Inspired by kagetardxorz and the shitty drivers of the world.
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